Teamwork, What Teamwork?
by anuveon
Summary: Birthday fic for Hibari. What's this? A school excursion? A master plan of Reborn? Or a cross in between? Crack, oneshot.


**Author's Note:** A birthday fic for Kyoya. Sorry it's late CC, but as they say – better late than never! Unlike a certain person we know…

Yeah. At one part of the story I sort-of-ish break the fourth wall, but hey, it's crack. It's allowed to do that.

So enjoy! And prepare yourselves…

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It was only ten o'clock, and Hibari Kyoya was already in a foul mood.

It wasn't to say that the day had started in such a manner. No, it had started innocently enough, with the Disciplinary Committee's leader rising with the sun, packing his tonfa, folders, documents and a cheese sandwich into his bag. On his way to the school however, it had started to rain slightly, and by the time he had reached Namimori Middle he was soaked to the bone.

Then, by the time Hibari was dry, he realised that if he was to assume his customary position hanging over the balcony he would become even wetter. So instead, he had spent the next hour or so in his office, scowling each time the lightning flashed.

If he wasn't peeved enough already, Hibari was downright _pissed off_ when a substitute teacher by the name of Rebo announced an impromptu excursion. Hibari found it rather suspicious that only Sawada's class, along with his own, was invited.

There was also the matter of the substitute, who looked remarkably familiar…

"So, are we ready to go, Hibari?" the voice belonged to the teacher. Hibari ignored him, feeling his hands twitch irrevocably towards his tonfa. Turning around, he was greeted by the sight of Sawada, Gokudera and Yamamoto strolling casually towards one of the buses lined up. Actually, on the second glance, Tsuna looked like he was being dragged on.

"Haha! I hope this'll be fun!" the Rain guardian was saying. The trio reached the bus and boarded.

Hibari's eyes trailed over the bus, narrowing dangerously. "I'm not getting on that," he said, turning back to Rebo.

The substitute raised an eyebrow. "And why is that?"

A dramatic anime wind blew, making Hibari's uniform and jacket flutter in the wind. "I hate crowds."

"Well, that's fine," the substitute replied. "You brought your motorcycle to school, right?"

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And that was the story of how Hibari managed to ride his motorcycle during school hours, trailing behind a few buses.

By now, the sky was an ominous looking colour. Hibari scowled. If he managed to get wet again during this…this farce of a school excursion, then Rebo would be bitten to death, familiar looking or not.

It was a rather amazing feat that Hibari managed to pull while navigating the roads of Namimori – to put it bluntly, he was so deep in thought about biting various people to death that it was astonishing that no one was left injured in the motorcycle's wake.

Well, close to no one. Hibari had vaguely noticed a blond man carrying a turtle before glancing past him. Well, it was that klutz's fault that he was on the road at the same time as Hibari, right?

Hibari was brought out of his musings as the bus in front of him suddenly slowed. Were they finally at their destination?

"You've got to be…" someone was saying from inside the bus.

The last thing he heard was the sound of waves dimly crashing before everything went black.

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Hibari came to slowly, hands gripping two…sides…of something. Shaking his head, he looked around and promptly drew his tonfa. "What is this?" he asked rather calmly, considering the situation he was in.

For the love of God, it was a god damn _boat._ In the god damn _water,_ and there were _fishing supplies underneath the seats!_

"H-HIIII!" Tsuna shouted, pointing at Hibari. "Don't point that thing at me!"

Yamamoto laughed. "Now, now, Tsuna," he said. "Don't be hypocritical!"

"Don't worry, Juudaime!" Gokudera snarled, stepping in front of Tsuna. "I'll –"

"I'll bite you to death." Hibari lunged forwards towards the three. The boat tipped precariously and for a second all four of them flailed about, scrambling for a hold that wouldn't tip them over.

The second passed. Hibari righted himself, tonfa still miraculously in his hands. "You're crowding," he snapped. "Get out."

Sawada backed away, the hollows of his knees banging into the boat's side. With a splutter, he fell backwards. "HIIIIIIIII!"

Overboard went the Tenth. "I CAN'T SWIM!"

"JUUDAIME! I'll save you!"

"Tsuna!"

Splash. Splash.

Well, it was a rather unusual way to go about getting the three off the boat, but it had worked. Hibari glanced around, spotting the place where his motorcycle and the buses were parked. He was about to start the boat's engine when…

"VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIII!!!"

Hibari whirled around, fully prepared to smack the owner of the voice in the head – before he realised that he was alone on the boat.

The long haired second in command of the Varia was actually a good ten metres away, but it was like he was speaking through a megaphone. Hibari's eyes narrowed. What were the Varia doing here?

Taking a closer look, Hibari realised that there were other boats floating gently on the sea's surface as well besides his own and Squalo's. The rest of his school.

"LISTEN UP!" the swordsman shouted. If one looked closely, small ripples could be seen travelling across the water from the force of his voice. "There are fishing rods and bait in each of your boats! Get them, and god damn _fish!_"

A blond head popped up for a second. "Ushi –"

"Shut up!" Squalo drilled the head back into the boat, only to be kicked a moment later from the other side. "Voooi, you're starting to test my patience!"

Hibari tuned him out, staring down at the fishing rods, which were somehow now propped up casually on one of the seats. Was this that stupid substitute teacher's idea of an excursion? At any case, he would surely be bitten to death, for Hibari could have been doing far more useful things at the moment – such as hunting down the Pineapple.

Yes, in his mind that was what Hibari called him, for his real name was taboo in the Cloud guardian's world.

Hibari absently reached over to grab a fishing rod. He had never been fishing before, partly due to his own nature and partly due to no one even thinking to approach him about it. However, he knew the basics, so he quickly wound it up, stuck a piece of bait onto the end, and threw the rod out into the water.

"Hibari, I don't know if you know this or not, but the rod itself isn't supposed to go into the water as well," Yamamoto said, treading water in front of Hibari's boat.

Hibari glared at him. "Get out of my sight before I bite you to death," he snapped, reaching for another fishing rod.

As Hibari slowly got used to fishing – namely, on his fifth rod he found out how to keep a grip on the thing instead of chucking it out into the water – Hibird, his pet bird, fluttered down onto his head, making its nest there.

Perhaps it was fate – or perhaps it was simply unknown forces wanting him to get a move on, for at the same time Hibird nestled onto his head, Hibari successfully cast his rod out.

There were a few cheers from the peanut gallery – namely Yamamoto, but Hibari didn't let that worry him.

A moment later, Hibari felt his hook catch onto something, and with a small amount of interest, he started reeling it in. However, he soon found this to be a mistake:

"VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!"

Narrowing his eyes, Hibari allowed his line to sag. Squalo splashed to the surface, growling angrily. It seemed that he and Bel had taken their fight to the water after all.

Naturally, Hibari didn't let this minor setback deter him. He quickly recast his line, once again snagging something after a few moments.

"HIIIIIIII!"

With an audible 'crack', Hibari's fishing rod broke, splintered from him gripping it so hard.

"I…" he began, "will bite you to death." Purple flames began to stir around him, and everyone simultaneously shivered in fear.

"Now now, Hibari," a high-pitched, familiar voice said. "That tuna isn't quite edible, but it doesn't mean you have to get mad." Looking down, Hibari saw a flash of green leap to the substitute's hand before darkness ensued.

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"What a strange dream," Hibari muttered to himself, sitting up. Had he really dreamt that he had…fished…and caught tuna? How ridiculous.

Swinging himself off the bed, he tossed his tonfa into his bag, along with his customary cheese sandwich and…a pair of handcuffs? This day was become stranger and stranger.

When he was ready, Hibari went out, putting his motorcycle into ignition, at the same time trying to forget the disturbing dream he had been witness to.

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"You."

It was the baby. Hibari had _known_ that teacher had been suspicious. Now those very same suspicions were confirmed.

With a horrible sense of dread, Hibari realised that the events of the day before were true.

"Reborn! I thought I told you not to follow me to school!"

"Dame-Tsuna. I didn't follow you, I was already here."

"ROOOOOWWWWWR!!!!! REBORN! I'LL GET SMARTER WITH MY DYING WILL!"

"Baby. What was the point of yesterday?"

Reborn turned. "Hm? Oh. Teamwork, of course. You were supposed to collaborate with Yamamoto, Gokudera and Tsuna and use your fishing rods to paddle back to shore –"

"R-Reborn…" Tsuna mumbled incredulously, "That's impossible…"

A tonfa hit him upside the head. "Be quiet, Sawada," Hibari snapped out.

" – but of course that didn't work because you pushed those three overboard…and fished with the fishing rods instead."

Reborn hopped onto Tsuna's shoulder. "You see, the whole point of yesterday's exercise was teamwork."

"W-what teamwo –"

"I'll bite you to death," Hibari said, ignoring Tsuna's growing look of horror.

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Fortunately, or unfortunately, Tsuna was the only one found injured in the aftermath.

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**Author's Note:** Eh. This was kind of tame compared to my other fic, but whatever. Wasn't as inspired as I hoped, and…it's so impossible to make crack without the story being AU/AR.

…And yes. I had to include at least some of the Varia…they make the story so much more crack-ish, don't you think?

Read and review, please!


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